DFMA
I’m a pretty normal guy, except demons fuck my ass. I’m trying to stop them but I’ve mostly given up.
You may or may not have heard of this situation before. It’s not common but there are probably fifty thousand people or so dealing with it worldwide. We call it DFMA usually. Demons Fuck My Ass. Self-explanatory. Our most mainstream moment of representation lately was the movie This is the End, where Jonah Hill has DFMA, although he ends up possessed, which I’m mostly sure can’t happen in real life.
The most common way to end up like this is to get cursed by a witch. Almost everyone I know in the community is cursed by a witch. Yes, we usually did something to piss them off. I hit a witch’s parked Subaru Outback in Pasadena while trying to parallel park on a street sweeping day. I drove off and I thought I got away but I guess she saw me and cursed me and now demons show up and they fuck my ass.
It usually goes like this. You’re minding your business at home or at work and a demon appears and pulls down your pants and gets behind you and fucks you in the ass a bit and then leaves. Yes, it hurts. No, you don’t get any say in it. Their dicks aren’t very big but they’re often weird shapes and sometimes have faces or other smaller dicks or body parts attached. If you’ve seen medieval illustrations of demons, those are pretty accurate.
There are a handful of people and groups in the world trying to figure out how to break this curse. The biggest one is the Catholic church. So far they have not had success. Almost everyone goes through a phase when demons start fucking their ass of buying crucifixes, holy water, praying, screaming, going through various catatonic fits of despair. Then after a few years you’re just wiping up the blood and stuff and limping to your feet to have a cry and get about your day.
It’s most embarrassing when they show up in public. Nobody around you really knows what to do. The demons don’t care about police or bystanders and trying to pull them off just makes them go harder and take longer. Most of the time I try to duck into a bathroom or a breastfeeding station or quiet space, and if people try to help I tell them I’m all good as convincingly as I can, red-faced, grimacing as a demon starts fucking my ass.
Planes are the worst because there’s no good place to hide and they won’t let you bring your numbing lube, which is normally the veteran DFMA pro tip. For some reason the demons always like to show up on planes, or when you’re getting intimate. This is commonly discussed in the DFMA community. The act of getting fucked in the ass by a demon is not erotic, but it kind of ruins eroticism overall for a lot of people, me included. The whole time you’re having sex you’re just reminded of how mechanically similar this is to demons fucking your ass, and you’re also just dreading the next time they’ll show up.
It’s a sad fact that DFMA is probably harder for women, even though the vast majority of the community is men, probably because men are better at pissing off witches, or witches use different hexes when cursing a woman, I don’t know. Most of our social media groups are set to private because people will join pretending to be a community member and really they just want to jerk off to people talking about being penetrated by demons. I wish it was as enjoyable for me as it seems to be for them.
The consensus is broadly that DFMA is not a huge health risk, although obviously there is a high rate of incontinence and an elevated risk of colorectal cancers. There’s also a very high rate of suicide, although not as high as with demons fucking your throat, which is an uncommon subset of the curse but obviously worse. One guy with demons fucking his ass is convinced that we are all supposed to be damned to hell, and it is only the prayers of the Catholic church that are keeping us in this in-between state. He’s trying to get everyone around the world to stop praying for us so we can be fully condemned and get it over with.
Other people take the opposite approach. There is a woman in Michigan who is doing a big DFMA advocacy push and calling it the next frontier in representation. She sells t-shirts on her website with a bloody ass that say NO SHAME and she wants to see more people dealing with anal demonic penetration in TV shows.
I feel like she might be even worse than the guy who’s trying to get us all sent to hell. It’s bad enough that I have to think about demons coming to fuck my ass. I certainly don’t want to parade it around for everyone. How mortifying.
Obviously it would be great to not wake up at random hours or be dragged out of an important meeting to have a lesser demon scratch up my back and make me bleed and scrape me with its hooves and teeth, et cetera. There is a rabbi in Tel Aviv who has created a fake asshole he believes one can wear under his clothes to trick the demon. Maybe. I don’t know what to think about that one. I’m sure I’ll hear about it through the community if it ends up actually working.
I sometimes think about what a fitting punishment would be for the witch with the Subaru Outback. I still haven’t decided, and I probably shouldn’t say. But, if anything, she’s taught me that even the worst fates end up banal if you drag them out too long.